A to E, F to M, N to Z

A bizarre young man in high school, Napoleon Dynamite, lives a world all his own. His abnormal home life doesn't help him either. Living with his grandmother, older brother who is addicted to the internet and no less weird than Napoleon himself, and thier pet Llama, Napoleon doesn't have a lot going on, until he befriends Pedro, a new hispanic student at school, and a bizarre gal named Deb who is doing glamour shot and making keychains to make money for college. From the trials of asking girls out to the school dance to running Pedro's Class Presidential Campaign, Napoleon Dynamite is an all-out, very funny look at the awkardness of being different than the norm. It also is a great look at how being yourself isn't all that bad after all, and how normal sometimes is the very thing you should avoid.
This is really one of the toughest movies I've tried to do a synopsis of, and maybe that's a good thing. It doesn't fit the mold of your average movie, and really is undefinable as I viewed it. Now, that works against the reviewer. However, working for the viewer, it is incredibly odd and hilarious. It's bound for a cult love, and will more than likely be a midnight movie once it's had the proper time to age. If you haven't seen it yet, have the means, and there's still a theater in your town showing it, go see it as soon as possible. Also, don't leave until well after the credits are done for an extended scene, an extra cherry put on top, just for those of you who have the patience to wait for it.

How could I not like any film starring Berg (Ryan Reynolds) from Two Guys And A Girl? Simple answer: I can't not like it. Unlike most recent films with the National Lampoon's amendment to their title, this one was actually funny. A lot of humor is dependant on Reynolds charisma and delivery, and that of his East Indian accent-ially funny assistant, but there are laughs and plenty of them. Tara Reid proves she can play intelligent and sensitive just as well as she played the airhead Melody in Josie And The Pussycats. Unfortunately, Van Wilder's nemesis, played by Daniel Cosgrove, is acted as cookie cutter as he is written, and truly pushes your annoyance tolerance levels. He is, though, only one of a handful of downsides. While you can, at any given moment, roll out the list of films Van Wilder's plot was cobbled together from, it maintains a high level of enjoyability. My favorite part of the film was the marked inclusion of Air Supply's "All Out Of Love." The biggest problem one might have with this film are its few but extreme bits of gross out humor, one of which actually made me uncomfortable. It is due to these instances that I would classify this as a guy flick, but if There's Something About Mary can cross gender lines, I'm sure there must be some women out there who will enjoy Van Wilder as much as I did.

This is a film that has everything, all wrong. This DJ Qualls tale of nerd to cool is lame, from the start when our hero's penis is broken on the first day of his senior year. After a short stint in prison, where he receives some sage advice from Eddie Griffiths (whose good lines were all used in the television spots,) Qualls gets himself transferred to a new school, and remakes himself in the New Guy. Lame incident leads to lame incident in school as Qualls finds himself reinacting inspirational speeches from other films at football games (which in real life would have him just as outcast as at his old school,) and courted by former junior high geek/current head cheerleader, Eliza Dushku. Meanwhile, at home, he is busy denying his friends and facing an overreacting father and guidance counselor. Of course, anyone who's seen Can't Buy Me Love knows that in the end, the truth must come out, only this time it is not an object lesson in being true to one's self, but rather a superficial conclusion of no real consequence. Peppered with useless cameos by Henry Rollins and, worse yet, Vanilla Ice, this film never transcends its overused plot, and views as if it were written by your twelve year old cousin. The only worthy parts of this film wouldn't take up a five minute highlight reel. They are as follows: a few shots of Eliza Dushku jiggling her way up to Qualls, a mantage of Eliza trying on different bathing suits, Eliza riding a mechanical bull, and finally, the two or three second shot of Lyle Lovett taking a flaming marshmallow to the eye. Even I didn't think this film could be this bad.

Days afterward, I still have "Man Of Constant Sorrow" stuck in my head, but that's neither here nor there, I guess. O Brother, a Coen brothers film, starring George Clooney, John Tuturro, and Tim Blake Nelson, is the story of three convicts on the run from a chain gang on a quest to retrieve the armored car loot that Clooney has buried back at his homestead. On the way, they run into several colorful characters, like the one-eyed Bible salesman, Big Dan Teague, bank robber, George Nelson, and campaigning governor, Pappy O'Daniel. These series of adventures, while interesting and humorous, also may tend to take the feel of mere filler as the film travels from musical number to musical number, of which, there are quite a few. Of course, if you pay attention to the opening credits and see that the Coens' announce, the film is based on Homer's Odyssey, all the random encounters start to make a lot more sense, or at least, not seem so out of place.
While, as always in a Coen film, the bizarre is bound to creep in, and probably does moreso than any film they've done since Barton Fink, it also as usual, is an incredibly acted bit of cinema that will kick you in the ass and make you want more. That is, if the Coens are your type of thing. And if not, why not, may I ask?

If you strictly look at this film from a storyline level, you can easily see it has one of the worst premises since, uh, Say It Isn't So!
However, I haven't laughed as much or as hard since Me, Myself and Irene, which I realize isn't the best endorsement even as I put pen to paper. Old School reaches levels of absurd where it is easily likened to a cartoon, and at that point, is no longer subject to the usual film critique. It's either making you laugh or not. And this film not only overcomes the death of a beloved character, but had a majority of the audience, myself included, laughing seconds into the funeral scene. I don't think I've ever seen a film pull that off before.
Castwise, if you're a Will Ferrell fan, he does not disappoint throughout the entire film. Also, please feel free to enjoy his Full Monty in one scene. Luke Wilson does a great job as the straight man of the film. He has a few jokes, but mostly he is the film's punching bag. Vince Vaughn was even able to overcome my "Hey, It's Trent from Swingers!" complex in this film, playing Will and Luke's slightly insane married buddy. Finally, there are some great cameos by Andy Dick as a fellatio guru and Road Trip's Seann William Scott as a pony wrangler. Oh yeah, and I truly hope Snoop Dogg's appearance in this film was prior to him giving up the pot, 'cause he looks worse than I've ever seen him on film. Overall, I loved this film and wholly endorse it. It does not, however, stand up super well to multiple viewings.

Trey Parker and Matt Stone fail to disappoint once again in this story of a young Mormon who inadvertantly becomes involved in the porn industry as the pornographic super-hero, Orgazmo. Besides big roles for Ron "Hedgehog" Jeremy and Chasey Lain, where else are you going to see a beating administered with a dildo outside your own home? However, this film is not all porn, as Parker becomes more involved in his role as Orgazmo, he takes his screen persona to the streets fighting injustice. Perhaps one of the funniest characters is g Fresh, operator of g Fresh Sushi. There is little funnier than a very Asian man talking hood rat and quoting rap. (Please remember, there is nothing more pathetic than a very white man talking hood rat and quoting rap, unless it's Ben Stein.) Critics are calling this the age of gross-out comedy, and they may be right, but if you dig the twisted and sometimes disgusting, check out Orgazmo.

Out Cold is the type of film that never should have escaped its 80's origins. It's also so incredibly stupid, that its blatant stealing from Casablanca would almost be forgivable if some writer who was a little too smart for his own good hadn't named the lead character Rick. All that said, I laughed enough to not think the film was a complete piece of shit. The characters are weird enough to be interesting which is one of the only things raising the bar of what could have been of a godawful rehash of Ski School. They even manage to produce a "coming out" scene that verges on touching, and it's bits like that that make it different. While not as successful or humorous as other 80's formula film redux such as Old School, Out Cold is goofy enough to hold its own.
As the studios dump their shit films into theaters, and (if you're like me) you find your interest waning when you peruse the new releases at the video store, Out Cold is a light comedy worth a look. I'm not saying it's really really good, or that I really really enjoyed it, but if you got nothing else going on, you could do a lot worse.

I didn't hear about this one until I saw the ad on my movie channel. Made by some guys who are better known for making comedies, this drama of a young man in the 70's who is forced to attend a prep school following a run in with the law should become a benchmark coming of age film. It is best described as Dead Poets' Society meets Dazed And Confused with a touch of John Hughes morality play. Shawn Hatosy plays the young man, whose only true loyalty is held for his crippled kid brother, excellently, making the character very real to the audience. Amy Smart (Road Trip) plays the girl who captures his affection despite their different backgrounds. Surprise roles by George Wendt and Alec Baldwin round out a wonderful cast. In fact, this may be Baldwin's best performance yet. All in all, this is an actual good film, something worth watching. So stop bitching about how there's nothing worthwhile put out by the industry, and rent this one.
Do it now!

Though this film isn't horrid on its own, it is disappointing if you're coming to it for director, David Fincher. This tale of a mother and child trapped in their new home's panic room (we have a title!) by burglars lacks the bizarre aspects or social commentary of his last few films. With the exception of a strange title sequence and its overused "through the walls" photography, it is very well shot. Jodie Foster does such a great job in her role, it disturbs me that Nicole Kidman was ever considered to star in this one. Jared Leto and Forest Whitaker are superb. And if you can get passed the flame-haired Dwight Yoakam playing a caricatured hardass and can get over the androgynous mystery of Foster's child (we were debating this well into the film,) you've got a good shot at enjoying this film. For me, this movie had too many "this film is far too clever to have let that drop" moments, but then again, I'm a picky bastard. I was impressed to see the film stick to the reality that duct tape will not seal a duct. If you don't go into this with heightened expectations or are not filmatically hypersensitive, I think you have a good shot at really liking this one.
It is, as I said, not horrid on its own.

This is the story of Michael Alig (Macaulay Culkin) and James St. James (Seth Green) as they created a new landscape for the club kids of New York. Both of these actors surprise and delight in the film, breaking from their usual types of roles. It's a tale of parties, drugs, making stars, destroying them, and murder. While James is one of the idle rich, waiting to write the Great American Novel, he manages to write a sentence in two weeks at one point, Alig has to use his own natural abilities of persuasion to convince everyone that he knows where it's at. The funny thing is they all buy into it, and him. As Alig meets and uses everyone he can to propagate his vision, it becomes unclear whether all the adulation or increasing drug use give him the impression that he is above it all and untouchable. No matter, just as his world is starting to come apart at the seams, he and a few others kill a superstar drug dealer of his own making.
It's not a story about the murder though, sure, it's part of the story, but it's not the story. It's the story of the rise and fall of Alig, and the height, fall and return for James. This film is not for everyone, but it's definitely interesting at the very least. From the elaborate costuming to the bizarre supporting cast (Chloe Sevingy, Dylan McDermot, and Fez from That 70's Show,) there something in here for a lot of people, even if you're not a big fan of the two principals. However, if you're a fan of either Green or Culkin, this film is a don't miss. It would have been worth it for the scene of Seth Green dancing, all by itself, for me.

From the man who brought you Batman & Robin...yeah, I was pretty scared too. The strange thing is that Phone Booth is nowhere near as bad as other Schumacher films, like 8MM, for example. In the film, flashy publicist Stu Shepard (Colin Farrell) is trapped in one of the last remaining phone booths in New York, a fact which has absolutely nothing to do with the story, by a sniper (Keifer Sutherland, in a mostly voiceover role) who wants Farrell to absolve himself of his "sins." It seems that even though he's married to Radha Mitchell, the girl from High Art, Farrell is busy trying to convince budding actress, Katie Holmes who is performing at her downright squeakiest, to go to bed with him, even though she isn't going for it, and he's been calling her everyday from the same phone booth, for the same purpose. Forest Whitaker puts in an appearance as a police captain, who is trying talk Farrell down after it is thought that he shot a bouncer, who was really killed by the sniper. Overall, where this film succeeds most is when it deals with the close personal relationships,..Farrell and his wife,..Farrell and the sniper. This then, makes you wonder what the hell the shitty film bookend shots of communication satellites, and brief overview of New Yorkers' phone habits at the beginning of the film has to do with anything. If it was meant to prove as a sharp contrast to the intimate situations, it was a half-assed attempt at that, which isn't really that successful. There's not much I can fault in the acting, but they seem to give Keifer all the best lines. I'm just going to assume they were using the wrong boom mic or something, making Holmes sound that much like a sqeeze toy as well. I will, however, blame the writer and Schumacher, for the shit ass, saw it coming from a mile away, last five minute, twist ending. Hell, while I'm at it, I might as well blame the producers and executives that green lighted the project too. Until that moment, the worst thing about the film was the satellite thing, which wasn't a horrible crime, though a bit of a crutch to bring you into the story. Of course, they did have to bloat the film where they could considering it's trim run time of 77 minutes. Your drama/thriller should never clock in at the same run time of Dana Carvey's Master Of Disguise, well, unless it's a piece of shit like Sliver, which sadly ran 107 minutes long. With it's short run time, and simple storyline that doesn't make you think at all while your watching it, it's hard for me to come down hard on it for any real reason. I mean, it's entertaining enough, and doesn't eat away so much of your life that the little spots of pain it provides become horrible wastes of your time. So overall, if you want a quick one that's fairly entertaining, or if you just like to look at Colin Farrell for extended periods of time, this one is for you. It's no Lost Boys, the only Schumacher film I consider good, it's actually more like Falling Down, where you're a hell of a lot more willing to forgive the glaring flaws because they are few and far between.

Are you a math geek? Boy, do I have a film for you. I enjoyed it, but then, I'm a closet math geek myself. Anyway, a mathematician, attempting to find patterns in a seemingly chaotic world, sets his sites on solving the most chaotic number system, the stock market. When confronted with what is possibly the ultimate key to answering all his questions, will he master his world, be consumed by it, or something more?
One of the most amazing films I've ever seen, not only in terms of writing and acting, but also filmmaking. Shot in a drastically contrasted black and white, it gave me a real bad headache the first time I saw it in the theater, but it is much easier on your skull at home, not factoring its thought provoking, information intensive nature. There is no escapism here, just a film worthy of a look, hell, make it at least two looks. You can find this gem on cable or at your local video store.

Ed Harris started this project after his father sent him a book on Jackson Pollock stating he kind of looked like Pollock and there might be a movie in there somewhere. Years later, with the project forming up and at a loss for a director, Harris took the helm himself producing what is the best artist biopic I've ever seen. Harris touches on Pollock's genius, troubles, and personality without the crutches of prolonged expostion or intimate details of his childhood. I think perhaps the extremely visual nature of this film is what made me enjoy it so much. Anyhoo, if you like Pollock or Harris, I'd wholeheartedly suggest you give it a look.

Just because the phrase "Crazy (and/or) Fuckin' Germans!" was heard a few times, well, more than a few times during the viewing of this film, does not mean it was not enjoyed. It's just that some weird things happen when you put a German behind the camera. This story of a young nurse in a mental hospital meeting up with an ex-military bank robber is difficult to describe as you may have guessed. It doesn't fit any real genre or the expectations of any genre, and works much less visually than Run Lola Run, the director's previous work. I guess it's best description is the title, though much less Japanese than the title might suggest. Also, in the name of full disclosure, there are at least three scenes which are kinda gross, and while they are crucial to the film, I think we, as Americans, are used to more implied actions in our films. Take the tracheotomy scene, it's important, but seeing the knife go into her throat was pretty freaky. Still, if you like decent cinema and aren't afraid of subtitles, you should check this one out. However, if you just wanted to go out and see Crossroads this weekend, you're beyond anyone's help.

I don't even know if you can rent this one, but it's on HBO all the time now. If you get the chance, I do highly recommend catching this send-up of 50's beach movies starring Lauren Ambrose, Six Feet Under, as Chicklet, a multiple personality surfer girl, who is worried that she's knocking off her new friends left and right. The cast is rounded out by television talent (from shows such as Buffy, Sabrina, and Dharma & Greg) who spent maybe a month of their summer hiatus making this pretty funny B-movie. Bad 50's dialogue, overacting and low production values merely enhance this parody. And while this film could be content to allow itself to just be another in a long line of Scary Movie-esque films, it goes beyond that tackling subjects such as the repressed homosexuality, the "place" and "work" for women, and B-movies of the era in humorous ways. The film is also peppered with quirky characters such as the Big Kahuna that secretly needs to be dominated, the female detective played by a man who is torn between her work and true love, and the handicapped girl who is unabashedly cruel to anyone she encounters. Clocking in at a mere 95 minutes, it doesn't wear out it's welcome or premise too badly. My only complaint is that considering the well-choreographed beach party dance-off later in the film, the low-rent Carmen Electra they hired to dance in the opening and closing credits should have been instructed how to dance properly in the shaggy go-go dancer outfit she was dressed in. Why do I know she wasn't dancing properly in the outfit? I can only respond, Tommy Kirk movies...speaking of repressed homosexuality, but I digress...With the exception of a few overt sexual references and a few moments of strong language, this honestly could have been made for TV. I left it feeling pretty good, and was especially pleased to find a nice mindless film. No analysis needed here. I just had to ask myself if it was fun and worth my time, to which I say a resounding yes. If you like bad films, or making fun of bad films, this is probably right up your alley since this film will save you the effort. Stuey likey.

You know it's a bad sign when I start off telling you that Travolta wasn't the problem in this film. Yeah, it's not pretty. They swap out Frank Castle's native New York for Tampa, his Nam history for work in a counter-terrorism unit, and his usual badass opposition, the mob, for a money launderer (Travolta.) The scenes with Frank's family could have been a hell of a lot worse, playing for sympathy, but knowing they aren't going to live past reel two doesn't help you see them as well crafted. The telegraphed love triangle killings in the Travolta clan, the Travolta son that's a mix of Hayden Christiansen and Jamie Kennedy, the excessive, prominent drinking of Wild Turkey by Frank, the use of, Punisher comic writer, Garth Ennis' comedic characters in a serious tone all play a part in making you wonder if things could really be worse in this film. In it's favor, this film does have Frank confront his former employers as to why no one involved in the massacre of his family was ever arrested. I was hoping this might be developed into a two pronged attack on his employers and Travolta, but it was quickly dropped. Also, the first hired assassin sent after Frank, post-massacre, who sings to him, announcing his intentions was actually a pretty nice scene. The posing, framing and jokes tend to hit their mark, but by the end of the film, it is more than obvious that Frank is up against a less than competent set of opponents as they decide to have a party before they go out and hunt down Frank for once and for all. And despite all these glaring flaws, my biggest problem was Frank's attacks, for the most part (the money dumping one was nice,) were not like the Punisher. The Punisher was Tarantino before Tarantino. The finale should at least have been very Usual Suspects. And it was so not. Honestly, the acting in this film cannot be faulted, since 90% of the problems with this film are plot related. I'd say the rest involve casting and the sheer length of the film, coming in at around 2 hours long. For a film that should have left my head clean as a whistle, this one sat there and took a crap on it.

Please do not let the appearance of Samuel L. Jackson in the credits confuse you. This is an art film. He does appear in a fifth of the film, but the only real character to float throughout the picture is the red violin. The story of the violin from its creation is a repetitively tragic one as we see its many owners throughout the the centuries from the innocent to the arrogant to the noble hearted. It is an excellent collection of tales with Jackson's story as a wonderful endcap to the travels of the red violin. As a viewer, you should know that the majority of this film is subtitled so be prepared to read. This should not be distracting though, as I had no problem, and I read slow as shit. Now, I didn't really feel the need to keep this one, but it was a worthwhile watch. Anyway, if you dig the classical or human, thoughtful tales, it's a definite recommended rental.

I don't even know how to review this one. Though it seems to have gone over well with the gaming community as evidenced by the response of the boys at Penny Arcade and my own resident geek, Tim, this was far from a good film. Certain things worked really well such as Milla's ability to pull of the physical action, or the mutated dogs. However, the director's own inability to throw off the trappings of the genre make the film predictable and, at times, dull. More confusing still, despite not being able to avoid a meaningful music cue, the gore factor was incredibly half-assed for a horror flick. In fact, the film is full of odd decisions like this. For example, in two fairly long nude scenes with Milla, there are no breast shots, but we do get a not very shadowed shot of downstairs. Or, even though most characters don't have names for most of the film (we don't really get Milla's or the guy we thought was Chris' until almost the end of the film,) third-tier heroic character Catherine,..Captain,..oh yeah, Kaplan is singled out by name for most of his important scenes. Honestly, I thought they were calling the guy Catherine for, like, five minutes...talk about confusing. But that's not all. There's the prominent Asain zombie standing on a box amongst his fellow undead, the fucking huge glass cube paperweight? that Milla finds in the offices, the unexplained shot of Walt Flanagan climbing up pipes.
Now okay, I've spent cash to see worse, and this film is certainly better than other video game adaptions such as Double Dragon or Super Mario Brothers, but I'm still torn over whether this was worse or better than Tomb Raider. Actually, I'll take a stand here and say it was better than Tomb Raider as most of the flaws of this film were stylistic, rather than the result of a completely shit script. If you still are thinking about seeing Resident Evil, at least your forewarned. There's nothing else I can do for you.

Wow, I wasn't expecting much from this film considering how much I didn't like the first one, but it underwhelmed on a grand scale, in spite of itself. From the first 10 minutes, which were nothing but backstory for idiots who never took the time to see the first one, to the 3 or 4 endings, each making a little less sense than the last, it never stopped sitting on my head. It seemed more often than not, that they hired Milla Jovovich, just to try and maintain some continuity between the two films, since she gets very little screen time for the "star" and it becomes obvious that this film is really Jill's (Sienna Guillory) story with Milla playing a Deus Ex Machina whenever shit becomes too difficult for Jill to handle. Milla enters the story, a half hour in, with a manuever straight out of The Great Muppet Caper as they fight a groups of Lickers in a church. When they first encounter the Nemesis creature, Milla is just there to fight it, as none of the normals would have a chance in hell, and that would make for one hell of a short film, wouldn't it?
I'm not sure if it was just too expensive to shoot, but the fact that the entirity of Racoon City is infested with zombies is often ignored for fights indoors somewhere, and the heroes often find altogether empty streets until it's convenient for the story. Much like when our brain-dead team of survivors walk through a graveyard in a city where the dead are coming back to life. Good job, you morons. Of course, this gives both Milla and Sienna a chance to do their best Buffy impersonations. Perhaps the most convenient use of zombies, is at the school, when one of our party is attacked by the rejects from Village Of The Damned, and though it's established there is an organized group of pre-pubers looking to eat people, they are never to be seen again. Of course, sometimes, they just bash you over the head, like when they spend a minute or so establishing that the Racoon City Police K-9 unit went into a building, which unless you are completely unfamiliar with the games or last film, you know after about 10 seconds, that, okay, there's gonna be dogs. And sadly, the dogs in this film are nowhere near as scary or disgusting as they were in the last film. Or maybe, I was just bored by them, like I was by most of The Matrix Reloaded. Also, I'm not sure who wrote this thing, but I don't have a learning disability. If I see you shoot the zombies again and again in the head, I'm assuming that's what we need to do to kill them, you don't have to explain it to me, thank you.
The Nemesis subplot, never really goes anywhere, and has less emotional impact than stubbing your toe in the dark. And did anyone else, when the man tries to force super-soldier Milla to fight the Nemesis creature while standing well within arm's reach, shout, "Just kill that fuck! Problem solved!" I don't know, maybe it's just me. Finally, let's just ask why, despite this film taking place in America, we can't seem to find more than one or two Americans in the the entire cast? Well, maybe Americans are just more susceptible to being turned into zombies, and once they're staggering around, moaning, it's a little more difficult to make out their nationality. Then again, maybe I'm right and they were able to save lots of money by filming in Prague.
This film shouldn't appeal to horror enthusiasts as it's pretty dull, and not really scary. This film also is such a weakly cobbled amalgam of Resident Evil 2 and 3, that it really wasn't all that interesting to me as a gamer either. Overall, the only thing this film did have going for it, was that it was so horribly done, or blatantly ripping off other films that it would probably make a good one to watch with a crowd of friends just to make fun of.

Tom Green is Barry Manilow in Road Trip.
Tom narrates this repackage of Overnight Delivery mixed with Animal House. However, with Ivan Reitman directing, this film, though low on plot and story, maintains a strong low-brow hilarity throughout. Green plays a near catatonic eighth year student telling the tale of his buddy Josh to a group of prospective students. It seems once Josh slept with a girl, videotaped it and accidently had the tape sent to his girlfriend. Josh and his friends must make it to Austin to intercept the tape. Nothing real new here, but what really makes this film worthwhile is the fact that if something (odd, bizarre, gross) can happen, it probably will. DJ Squalls does a great job as the nerd coming out of his shell, and there is a surprise performance by Jimmy Kimmel (if you miss him, check the credits.) It was worth the dollar to sit around and laugh my ass off for a while.

Two professional gamblers, well professional in that's how they make their living. One does everything right, plays it straight, has a promising future as a lawyer, and just left the table after the biggest loss of his life. The other is just out of jail, uses any trick for his advantage, has a tremendous debt over his head, and is about to draw his friend into it all. Matt Damon and Edward Norton give performances expected of them at this point, but what really adds a special something to this film are the smaller roles played by the likes of John Tuturro and John Malkovich. The story is fun and exciting. The pacing is excellent. Who would have thought a poker movie could be interesting? I was just hoping it didn't suck. If you ain't seen it yet, you can find it at your local video store. Give it a look.

Hi, my name is Stu and I'm a Val Kilmer fan. I will admit that after disappointments like The Real McCoy and Batman Forever, my desire to see Kilmer in a starring role nosedived. I did continue to enjoy his work in supporting roles, but I still avoided Val Kilmer films. Even as I was asked to view this one, I felt some unease. At this point, I can only ask what the hell my problem was. In the Salton Sea, Kilmer plays a meth addict with a shroudded past, and in the midst of an identity crisis. Vincent D'Onofrio does a wonderful job as an eccentric hillbilly drug dealer named Pooh Bear. There is also a humorous 15 year old gun dealer, who definitely has a career ahead of him if he wants it. I don't want to discuss the plot too much as when you think you have a handle on what's going on, they tend to reveal more to you changing your perspective of the events unfolding. My only complaint is that at times, these revelations are a bit slow in coming, and that does hurt your viewing of the film to a degree. Still, it's a good flick, and worth the rental fee for Kilmer's tweaker friends' discussion of how they plan to steal Bob Hope's stool sample all by itself. So, if you are, ever were, or ever plan to be a Val Kilmer fan, you would be remiss in not seeing this film.

Unfortunately, I pretty much nailed how I would feel about this film when I saw the trailers. Jack Black and Steve Zahn are hilarious. Jason Biggs and Amanda Peet are not. And that, in essence, is the problem. Everytime Black or Zahn was not on camera, I was praying for their quick return. Sadly, there were enough of those scenes to hurt the film. Also, Peet is completely the evil bitch monster Black and Zahn believe she is making Biggs' character just that more sad and pathetic and a waste of my muthafuckin' time. In the end, the only reason I wasn't fully wishing they'd stay together was because of a sympathetic romantic rival who didn't deserve to be screwed over. If you honestly, MUST see this one, wait for it on cable.

A little late seeing this one? Yes, I suppose when the sequel has already come and gone from the theaters, I can't even begin to say otherwise. Anyhoo, you know the premise, Shawn and Marlon Wayans spoof horror flicks. Need I tell you that this was funny shit? Unfortunately, due to my delay in seeing it and massive exposure to lots of promo clips, a certain percentage of the jokes were dated or I knew they were coming. Still there was plenty of fresh and unexpected material to make it worth my time. The lead, Anna Faris, did a great job mimicing Neve Campbell's facial expressions while mocking her performance from Scream. Shannon Elizabeth also displayed her comedic chops which more than likely resulted in her being cast in Kevin Smith's latest flick. Also, I'd like to mention Dave Sheridan, who played Doofy, and the string of horribly wrong, incredibly funny retard jokes that accompanied that character. I only have two complaints about this film. First, the gross factor exceeded even my bad taste a couple of times. And secondly, near the end, they tossed in a mocking of Matthew Lilard's performance in Scream which didn't quite work. It was like the retelling of a funny joke badly, which in fact, it was. Still, despite these few problems, Scary Movie was an incredibly funny movie and worth a look if you're slow like me.

>So, why the fuck did I watch this film, you may be asking. I mean, it's not like I enjoyed Scary Movie 2 at all. Well, with the reins being passed to the old school parody kings, the Zucker Brothers (Airplane!) and a script pass done by Kevin Smith, I thought hey, how bad can this be? Let me tell you, really fucking bad. While beginning with a lame little opening which seems to be a big excuse to have Pam Anderson and Jenny McCarthy run around in tight clothes (Dear Movie Makers, I am old enough to get porn and any adolescent worth his salt can find pictures of these two actually naked on the internet), the rest of the film is a jumble of parodies of The Ring, Signs, and a far too long parody of 8 Mile. While there are references to other films, they are not nearly as numerous as you've come to expect from the Scary Movie franchise. Nor are they really remotely funny.
I was glad to see that Leslie Nielsen's part in the film was much smaller than I was expecting, and sad to see that Charlie Sheen's was much bigger than it ever needed to be, including a crap cameo by Denise Richards as his wife. I think I'd have preferred it if the filmmakers had actually come to my home and stabbed me in my eyes if they wanted to make me feel this type of pain.
I would like to give in and tell you that there were two funny moments in the whole film. Regina Hall as Cindy's best friend probably had the best lines in the entire film. Unfortunately, after making it through two Scary Movies, they decided to kill the black girl early on, so her comedy was short lived. Second, I was laughing fairly hard at the scene where Cindy talks to her nephew Cory about the night his mother died. Really good and inappropriate humor is always nice to see. These two things do not make the film good though, hell, not even worth spending your time watching it on Cable, or for free if it ever makes it to network television. At a scant 75 minutes, it still seems inordinately long, and you will never get that time back. I warn you because I care. Save yourself. Fuck, if only I had listened to that advice.

This film is entirely a formulaic experience that hinges entirely upon its lead actor to carry it to a greater level. Thanks to the fact that someone had the brains to cast Jack Black as the lead actor, that sentence doesn't have to be the death knell it could have been. What did shock me was the fact that this film was not only directed by Richard Linklater (Slacker, Waking Life) but it was written by Mike White (Chuck & Buck, The Good Girl) who I can only assume put in time on this film so they could make some real money in order to put together their next independant features. Playing opposite Black are a gaggle of precocious little moppets who, if you're anything like me, you will recognize from numerous commercials. Oddly enough, they aren't annoying for the most part. I can't even single out one that really pissed me off, so they must have been fairly good, well, the ones with real speaking parts anyway.
Anyhoo, this film is the story of Dewey (Black) who's losing out on everything, threatened to be kicked out of his apartment by his roommate's girlfriend, kicked out of his own band, he has little to look forward to. When he takes one of his roommate's substitute teaching jobs in order to pay rent and bills, he discovers that his class is musically talented, talented enough that he feels they can help him win The Battle Of The Bands. He just has to convince them of that and teach them to rock. Oh, and of course, keep it from the rest of the school and their parents. Of course trouble comes down, and will the kids ever get to play the big show? Take a wild guess, people. Not to give anything away here, the big show is where the film succeeds and fails all at once. While it gives the audience a happy ending, it manages to transcend the shit-Hollywood-type of happy ending where absolutely everything is sunshine and puppies (see Gigli for that) and hands out a meaningful message that even the adults need to be reminded of once in a while. However, it fails as the kids perform in just the most god-awful outfits ever, the kind of outfits as a child you become convinced by the media are "cool" until you reach the age of reason. It would be nice if we could save the children of the world from that confusing message.
Overall, it's a funny film, though that will depend on how much you like Jack Black. It's very much about him and it is very much his humor. If you think he was the best part of High Fidelity, this is a film you must see. I think that's about as much as I can help you in your decision to pick up this one up or leave it on the shelf. Choose wisely.

I'll do a quick synopsis here. You see Mystery Inc's last case and break-up. Fast forward to their unwanted reunion held by amusement park owner, Rowan Atkinson. It seems the tourists visiting his park are adopting bizarre behaviors, but why?
'Cause otherwise you'd have no story. Honestly, the storyline is very flat, even for a Scooby plot. Some of the recent animated films were more nuanced. However, beyond the fact that several scenes are blatantly/noticably missing, I can't find many other production faults. The true treats of this film however are Matthew Lillard and Linda Cardellini who play Shaggy and Velma respectively, and do astounding, dead-on performances. Also, the animated Scooby, which I originally feared would be a Cats & Dogs-esque talking Great Dane, is perfect, allowing for all of the classic Scooby wild takes. Fred (Freddie Prinze Jr.) has been changed from a bit of a dork into an arrogant pompous ass, and Daphne's been completely transformed so "Buffy" can do some Buffy fighting. The upside is that Fred and Daphne aren't really the focus of the film, so they're easily ignored, even if they bother you. For any fan of the classic cartoons, Shaggy, Velma and Scooby should be more than enough to make you happy with the film. Oh, and as they say, Rowan Atkinson is also featured. I don't think he has more than ten lines in the whole damn film...sorry Mr. Bean fans.
Overall, I enjoyed it, and I'd probably own it if there was a version with some scenes restored, but I've heard they're making a sequel (planning a trilogy.) Well, it's gonna take a hell of a lot more layered story to get me excited about that. Unfortunately, because the Hollywood machine just wants to rake in more money, that probably won't happen.

It's a good thing I liked this one, considereing I bought it having only seen the trailer. Okay, let's see if I can do the run down. Alicia Silverstone is a bank teller who just got dumped by her long term boyfriend, the bank manager. She plans to rob the ATM machine and get him fired while she gets some nice cash in her pocket. Woody Harrelson is a teller with a mission to steal the contents of a certain customer's (John Cleese) safe deposit box in revenge of that customer killing his pet duck's mother. Paulo Costanzo (Road Trip) is a teller who has a plan, to take the money from the mini-vault at the bank and place a one-time bet in Vegas, replace the money and be all the richer with no one the wiser. And they all go forward with their plans in one weekend. Now, this film has problems. It's a little dumb, a little cheesy, a little indy.
I didn't love Harrelson's slapstick character, and really wondered why the hell they shelled out the bucks for John Cleese for his bit role. Some of you may have noticed Rachael Leigh Cook on the box, well, she plays an uber-nerd ("You want to jack with the Ripper?!") who role plays with another secondary character who's looking for a job at the bank, and to be honest, they probably have the most intersting and meaningful story. They also lead you into and out of the story, so if you don't give a big shit about the other characters, it's still satisfying. Speaking of satisfying, there was also this 20 second section of the film where Alicia Silverstone does sit-ups and grunts that they could have looped for an hour and a half for all I care. But anyway,
I would definitely recommend checking the film out. And even though I was not thrilled when it first started, it redeemed itself, so don't judge it too quickly. It's not great, but it's a nice little film that I'm sure will come off the shelf from time to time, when I'm looking for something a little quirky. Oh yeah, you won't get it now, but "I eat cheese!"

While its understandable that director Frank Oz may have been so excited about working with Brando, DeNiro and Norton that he overindulged in putting together the final product, that doesn't help you, the viewer, when you know how good this film could have been. Filled with dramatic pauses and unnecessary, if not just unnecessarily long extablishing shots, The Score views, at times, more like the pantomime of a heist movie rather than an actual heist movie. Brando, known as a difficult actor, truly disappoints here as he blatantly walks through his role bringing nothing with him but his name for the marquee. Robert DeNiro does an adequate job in his part as the master safecracker. Angela Bassett, even though she only has like five scenes, continues to display an incredible talent, making her role a high point in this film. However, even Ms. Bassett cannot compete with Edward Norton's dual role as the young thief and his retarded cover identity. His performance alone was worth the rental fee. Overall, the storyline is one of the oldest in the book, but moves independently enough to keep it interesting for the viewer. If you wanted to see this one before, it's worth watching desptie its flaws. If you can, rent the DVD for the Brando/DeNiro improvisation bonus feature.

Remember that Norm MacDonald film with him in a cage, that I thought I was watching when I put in Dirty Work? Well, this is that film. Once again, this film is very dependent on how you feel about MacDonald to begin with as he plays the biggest loser chauffer/butler ever. With the aid of humorous, chicken selling best friend, Dave Chapelle, he tries to ransom his employer's dog, but things start going wrong almost immediately as the dog escapes and it is believed that Norm, himself, has been kidnapped. Things continue to downward spiral as the two boys dig their hole deeper and deeper. This film is as funny as Dirty Work, but in different ways. Chapelle is a wonderful asset as neither he nor MacDonald ever is really the straight man doubling your humor quotient. Danny Devito has a minor/major role that while important to the plot, is lacking the comic aspects of almost everyone else. The premise of the film is once again, one of the oldest on the books, but MacDonald and company manage to make it work. They avoid the trappings that were inherent in Dirty Work including the over the top, motivating love story, which in Screwed is underplayed and more incidental, kind of a guy's love story. Of course, if nothing else is inticing you, and you're sick enough, or really need to know, you will find out what Sherman Hemsley looks like in a Speedo.

I missed a bit of this one, but it was still pretty good. Oddly enough, it technically wasn't about Bobby Fischer...who knew? Anyway, meet Josh (not Bobby, see?) an eight year old who is quite proficient playing chess. He plays speed chess at the park with Laurence Fishburne. Eventually, his dad (Joe Mantegna) hires Ben Kingsley to instruct Josh how to play the game properly. All in all, this is a fairly interesting true story about finding your own path. If you do sit down to watch this one, take a look at Josh's main rival. I swear, that kid, at who I suppose is all of the age of 10 there, looks like a fucking scumbag.
Anyhoo, this one is highly recommended.

This is an interesting satire of "reality TV' where the contestants win if they're not killed by their opponents. The filmmakers stuck pretty well to the conventions of the genre right down to spots for commercial breaks. Even more bizarre, it managed to hook me as no "reality" series has. Though the drama was a bit heightened, not once did the writing become so heavy handed that I questioned the ability of the characters to truly exist. The actors also did a great job of pulling off very real performances, making the script seem like immediate, frank talk. If you've ever watched even one episode of any "reality" series, loved it or hated it, Series 7 has something in it for you. And as a bonus, there is a very British Pop 80's music video "art project" in the footage that's very good and good for a laugh. It's almost worth the rental fee all by itself.

The main stars of this film are John Malkovich and Willem Dafoe. Even if this film wasn't based in the production of the movie, Nosferatu, the leads alone would overload the weirdness quotient of any film. Tack onto that the main postulation of the film that actor Max Schreck, played by Dafoe, was indeed a vampire, and things go from weird to completely bizarre. Oddly enough, this film has plenty of humor, even in the creepiest spots. Malkovich is great as the eccentric director. Eddie Izzard excels as Nosferatu's protagonist. In fact, I'm not sure if he did a better job playing the German actor or in the pantomime performances he gives for Malkovich. Finally, Dafoe, who only appears in full Nosferatu gear, is great, an eerily human vampire who elicts sympathy in spite of what he is, or perhaps because of it. All in all, this a great art film about a great film in the spirit of Tim Burton, where darkness meets the absurd. If you enjoy any of the stars or the subject matter, or even have a passing interest in either, this film cannot let you down.

After a horribly humorous experience with End Of Days, I forgot how badly an Arnold film can hurt me. Trying to spout some half-assed morality play involving magical neo-cloning, the film quickly brings up and dismisses its one interesting premise: Which Arnold is really the clone? No, the film staggers from incomprehensible plot point to incomprehensible plot point, leaving the viewer with no emotional attachment to any character and little interest in the plot's resolution. In fact, the only good thing I have to say about this film is that it's good to see Tony Goldwyn (Kuffs, Ghost) working again. For a while there, he was working quite a bit, then he disappeared. He updated his look a little, and hopefully, his future work won't be permiated by stinkbombs like this one.

Matthew Lillard is a punk in Salt Lake City in 1985. Truly one of his most versatile roles, using his comedic talents, interspersed with complex emotional range, this role should be getting Lillard the great jobs he deserves, i.e. not shit like the best friend in Wing Commander. For anyone who lived through the early to mid 80's, much less was a kid or young adult at the time, this film is an interesting picture of the emotional/philosophical mindset of the times, and the punk movement. Funny, not only in an overt manner, but in the irony of ideologies, this film will keep you on your toes mentally, while stimulating you visually. Grand performances all around the campfire, from Devon Sawa as a delusional psychotic to a nearly unrecognizable Annabeth Gish as Lillard's best friend's woman. Also, the pacing and cinematography will keep you attentive. It is certainly one of the best made films I've seen package-wise in a great while. If you did not see this, but have some really horrid pictures from this time period, give it a look. Hell, you might even remember the young rebel you were.

While it only gives you the expected story of Sleepy Hollow for one five minute sequence, perhaps that is in the best interest of making a grand story. Tim Burton's reinvention of this classic tale into a whodunit mystery is nothing short of breathtaking. While sticking to the classic structure and trappings of the murder mystery, Burton throws in more than enough mysticism and magic to make it a modern fairy tale. This also says nothing of the grand Tim Burton design of the town, his amazing camera work, not to mention an extremely talented cast. Speaking of which, Johnny Depp is at his best since Edward Scissorhands, putting on a classic stiff mild-mannered performance, a sort of believable pantomime, which honestly, I really don't see many actors being able to pull off. Truly, I loved this film so much, I'm cutting back on my comments. I'd rather not spoil it for those I might convince to give it a try.
If you've liked Burton before, you'll love his work on this one, trust me.

Hey, I watched this one hoping to see a really bad film. The problem is I'm not sure if that's what I got. With surprisingly little dialogue, this film managed to side step one of the usual pitfalls of the genre. Unfortunately, while the action is exciting, this "action" film has surprisingly little action. The remainder of the film is spent on the set up of the confrontation you know is coming after the first twenty minutes (at most, if you're really dense,) and a confusing use of montage using clips in no definite order, making even less sense due to the aforementioned lack of dialogue. Still in the end, it is a fairly stripped down flick, which actually views better due to minimalism, rather than numerous attempts to make it more flashy.

Paul Jenkins once said that the character of Peter Parker (Spider-man) fascinated him because he was ultimately doomed to fail. No matter what good he does, no matter how many lives he saves, his entire career is based on his greatest tragedy, and it's something he can never change. Most people like to say Spider-man has a mass appeal, because he is flawed, but I think Jenkins was a bit more insightful as to why the character speaks to such a broad audience. Hell, life changing decisions have spawned the whole "what if?" chick flick genre of the past few years...Me Myself I, The Family Man, that shite film with Demi Moore in it. Regret is a great universal theme of humanity.
Well, let's get passed the psychology and get on with the review. First and foremost, if you can only manage to accept/ignore the cheesy monologue and dialogue that can only aspire to be a painful as the writing of Spider-man creator Stan Lee which it attempts to emulate, and you'll be well on your way to enjoying this film. Armed with what I can only only attribute to excellent casting, Spider-man is able to overcome the hurdles of an extensive group of characters and multiple time progressions without falling victim to two-line stereotyped character definitions, which perhaps the exception of Flash Thompson, who has always been one of the cookie cutter sect. Tobey Maguire brings just enough awkwardness, pain and hope to the role of Peter to make him very believable. Willem Dafoe does an excellent job in the dual role of Norman Osborn and the Green Goblin. Even lowered tiered characters such as Aunt May and J. Jonah Jameson, head of the Daily Bugle, firmly establish themselves in the Spider-man universe.
And while a solid story and great acting had me all geeked up while I watched this one, I have to switch gears here because we all know I went to check this one out because of those pretty special effects I saw in the trailers. I won't bullshit you here, any web-swinging and/or fight sequence was worth the cost of admission. However, there are a few wall-crawling sequences that owe heavily to the 60's Batman show which you can forgive or ignore, and there are a couple of early rooftop running scenes that were definitely inspired by The Crow and prove that there are still limitations on what digital manipulation can achieve. And as long as I'm finding fault here, let's bring up what many will complain as a post 9/11 feel occurs in this film. Hell, I'd be among them had my geek brain not kicked in, and with the exception of the last frame of the film which positively screams "I was shot post 9/11," much of the 9/11 feel can be attributed, again, to Stan Lee and his positive attitudes about New York and New Yorkers. My greatest personal bitch, some of you won't be too surprised, is about Danny Elfman who seems to have changed six whopping notes of his Batman title theme to create his Spider-man title theme. And finally, this is a much more subtle complaint, there just wasn't enough wise-cracking for a Spider-man movie. Granted, you can attribute this to the point and time in Peter's life that this film takes place (new powers, recent tragic death, first supervillain,) but it is something I hope will be played up more in the sequel.
So, in the end, what's the verdict? It's easy to dwell on and pick out the bad aspects of anything which I think I've managed to root out here, but to be honest, I left the theater after seeing this happy as all hell that I had made the time to check it out. As I've said before, and I'm sure I'll say again, Spider-man was all the summer blockbuster I needed. I still feel this way after seeing Episode II.

Okay, for those of you who have seen this one, show of hands of those of you who were toe tappin' to the Manilow "Can't Smile Without You" opening? Okay, now how many of you were singing along before it faded out? Just me? Let's move on, then, shall we? This film is difficult to review, as it is very much a comedy, but it also, at the same time, sticks to 70's conventions and is almost a straight film at times. This film is a bit of a prequel to the television show, when Starsky and Hutch are first paired up, with Stiller as the uptight Starsky, and Wilson as the laid-back Hutch. Honestly, it's everything Tango & Cash could have been. They have to take down drug dealer, Vince Vaughn, who is finally getting away from old roles and trying new stuff. It makes him a lot more interesting to see in films. He pulls off the respectable Jewish businessman just as well as he does cold-blooded drug dealer. I loved his scene in the neck brace. Oh, and that guy playing his No. 2 is Jason Bateman. I knew that going in, but I kept thinking he was someone else. One of the greatest things about the film is all the guest stars, including Snoop's Huggy Bear, who, unfortunately, in his first scene is overshadowed by the performances of his henchmen. He does come back later and save face. In fact, I'm conspicuously not mentioning the best cameo role. I'll just say that it involves belly buttons and "dragons." Very funny stuff.
I don't think this is one of those films where you have to be a fan of Stiller or Wilson to enjoy the humor, and if you're a fan of the old show, you may be a bit angry about this interpretation of it. Overall, it's still a very fun film that shows throughout there is much love for its source material, despite the mocking tone. It's definitely worth a look.

Yes, I was bad, and picked up this one thinking, "Hey mindless violence, shit blowing up, well, yes, I have seen that done wrong, but what the hell?" And I can say that yes, as far as the mindless violence and shit blowing up, I've got no complaints. Well, let's hop in the time machine for a minute here to really explain things. I saw the trailer for this one in a theater, I don't even remember before what, and it seemed like it might make a good rental. There was no way in hell I was paying theater prices for it, but I didn't have a reason not to rent it. Sam Jackson, who has talent when he takes good roles, and that newcomer, Colin Ferrell, shit blowing up. Not that I wasn't worried it would totally suck, but I will say they didn't help themselves by announcing the part of the story that takes place an hour into it, as if it were the film in the trailer. You see, the first hour, is Ferrell and his partner, Jeremy Renner (Dahmer) getting drummed out of SWAT, and Jackson looking to build a special SWAT unit that, surprise, involves Ferrell. Oh, did I mention that their boss is a pencil-pushing jackass? I'm sure you could have guessed that cookie-cutter character type, but I figured I'd confirm it for you. They take their time building half-assed relationships between the team members without really rounding out any of them. Oh, and those guys on the team that you didn't see on the DVD case, the movie poster, or in the trailer, yeah, there's a reason for that beyond simple marketability, as if you couldn't guess. And finally, we're into the actual story, as a effeminate Frenchman who's greatest act of evil on screen is killing his uncle, who you really don't know didn't deserve it, is caught by the cops because of a busted tailight. It's up to Jackson and Ferrell's team to escort this guy to federal authorities, while at the same time, the Frenchman has offered 100 million dollars to anyone who will free him. Ferrell's old partner, Renner, and every thug in L.A. is out to free Frenchy, which actually could have been a much more interesting title for the film. Oh, and I was halfway to believing it all, when a very obvious street level gang member busted out a high quality rocket launcher. If you can get weapons like that, how much money do you fucking need? Anyhoo, this is the second half of the film, hunting and the hunted. And by the end, I really didn't give a damn about any of them. Everyone was playing type and there wasn't anything interesting about any of them that wasn't blatantly inserted shit in an attempt to make them interesting, like Ferrell's amazing marksman ability, or SEAL training. To be honest, if this had been the first film I saw any of these actors in, I'd be very far from impressed. So, in the end, this film isn't so much bad as unimpressive, and in that respect, very long. To be honest, I'd rather sit through Face/Off again, than have watched this one.

In this adaption of Eric Bogosian's play, a group of twenty-somethings face the future in one night when a local, now a rock star, returns to the old hometown for a concert. Giovanni Ribisi is Jeff, who is as confused as he is frightened of the future, and the fact that he has to make some major choices quickly. Amie Carey is Sooze, Jeff's not so talented "artist" girlfriend who is planning to attend the School of Visual Arts in the coming semester and seems to truly have as much a handle on where she wants to go in life as Jeff does. Nicky Katt is Tim, a discharged Air Force vet who drinks away his disability checks. Steve Zahn is Buff, who is basically the adle-brained comic relief pal and is damn entertaining throughout. And finally comes Dina Spybey as Bee-Bee, a girl just out of rehab and finding she cannot seem to find a place in the world. This disenfranchised look at modern American society or rather my generation is one of the best in its honesty. Maybe it's my own dark inclinations that makes me dig this one so much, but if you missed it the first time around, it's one you should see. If you happen to find it in a theater somewhere as a midnight movie of something, make sure you see it. This movie will click really well with lovers of stage drama as it makes the most of dialogue rather than setting or action. The subtle, yet excellent cinematography, is what evolves this one beyond just a play on film by adding to the bare bones drama and puts me in the mind of Hitchcock's Rope or Rear Window.

Ben Affleck takes over the role of, a much younger, Jack Ryan in this film where a lost nuclear warhead finds its way into the hands of terrorists who smuggle the weapon into the United States. After its detonation at the Super Bowl, a state of ever escalating defacto war begin between the U.S. and Russia. Can the world survive?
Castwise, you can't lose. Affleck, in a stark contrast to his work in Daredevil, is very Affleck here, but still manages to be enjoyable. Liev Schreiber takes over the role of Clark, and has more chemistry with Ryan than ever was realized in the books. And Morgan Freeman, I dare you to say an unkind word about any acting he's done in his career. My only problem with his role was that they didn't just call him Greer, because that's who he was.
Overall, this is a compelling film, a warning to us all of how quickly out of control things can get if our leaders don't keep level heads of wait to get the information they need to make proper decisions. It should bother you, and you should see it. I do, however, not recommend this film for those of you with vivid imaginations or those of you susceptible to night terrors, because it will affect your dreams.

I finally read something that put this film in perspective for me. Since the target audience for this film is so young that they probably weren't even born when Fatal Attraction was released and were too young to see the myriad of subsequent rip-offs, it makes perfect sense for Hollywood to produce a film like Swimfan. Now, just because it's in perspective doesn't make it good by any means. For those of you who can't guess, former troubled teen and current swim champ Ben (Jesse Bradford) cheats on his girlfriend (Shiri Appleby) with the spooky new chick in school, Madison (Erika Christensen.) Once spurned, Madison goes psycho and attempts to ruin Ben's life in order to win him back.
While I'd normally love to rip the acting in a film like this a new asshole, I really can't. They really did the best they could with what they had. Again, however, the only one of the principals that I'll excuse for being in this picture is Appleby as I believe she was doing this while on break from the television series Roswell. If she had had more time to invest in the film, I think it would have been more interesting to see her go against type and play the psycho bitch. I would also like to make a note of a secondary character played by James DeBello. Either he is just a Grade A spaz, or he was just really good. Everyone else in this film, shame on you. Try reading a script before taking a role.
As for the blatant flaws in the film, there is this horrible mood lighting that appears in the most inappropriate places. Don't forget anything you've seen in the film, because it will come into play in the most ridiculous moment the film can find, with the exception of the statement that Madison is supposed to be Southern but has no accent whatsoever throughout the whole film. I'd advise watching this flick with friends so you can help each other keep track of all the lame plot points. And while forgoing specific examples here, I'll just say that the cinematographer was a genius! Worse yet, just when I hoped it might be over, I saw that it hadn't been long enough, and there was going to be a third act.
I came away from this film feeling this director could teach Roger Corman a few things about making a bad film, and that he just might be a protege of John Carpenter. The film runs a little over 80 minutes and feels a bit longer. It did manage to switch gears just as my annoyance was rising to dangerous levels. Yes, it's really that bad. Having said that, I'm going to recommend it, strictly due to the state of the world. I find really bad cinema is a great escape from reality, not to mention it's always fun to watch with a group of friends. The pain brings you closer together, kind of like that burning sensation when I urinate.

If you know me and my movie rules, I broke two major ones watching this movie. No Spielberg films past Schindler's List, and no Tom Hanks post- shit, I don't really remember, I think it may have been Forrest Gump since I really hated that movie. I actually have broken the later before though, with Road To Perdition. Now, I actually do like Tom Hanks, but I remember him and really enjoyed him, um, funny. I know you have to stretch to grow as an artist and all, but when you choose to be in Castaway, you're trying too hard, or maybe that script just sounded phenomenal on paper and just didn't translate. This one did seem to have comedic possibilities though, and it was humorous in parts, not a comedy by any means, but humor existed. And for those of you unaware of the Spielberg argument, outside of his getting a huge swelled head after Schindler's List, he followed up that important, moving picture, with The Flintstones. He is off the artistic role call for that crime alone.
On to my review of this film though, Tom Hanks finds himself stuck in a New York airport, when a coup erupts in his homeland of Proskovia(?) while he was on the plane, leaving his passport invalid to enter the U.S. and unable to just return to his own country. Airport administrator, Stanley Tucci, plays both friend and arch enemy to Hanks, because Hanks won't just leave the airport, and Tucci has no idea what to do with him. Meanwhile, Hanks learns to make his own way, returning airport carts and later as a under-the-counter contractor. He befriends a few grunt airline workers, and meets Napoleon-obsessed flight attendant, Catherine Zeta-Jones, who is dating a married man, but is also a half-assed love interest for Hanks. Of all the bizarre and contrived subplots in this film, I think things worked best when they let Hanks' character's intelligence and earnestness shine through, such as during the interpreter scene or when he reveals why he came to New York. These were particularly strong scenes that had me interested in the film.
Unfortunately, for the most part, the subplots and stories were a little too convenient or cheesily happy or melodramatically played out. Overall, that tended to hurt the movie a bit too much for me, leaving me enjoying the film in a minimal way. It wasn't a waste of my time, and I wasn't left wondering just why the hell the film was made. It was passable, and thanks to a strong performance by Hanks and few incredibly worthwhile moments, it was able to salvage the bits of the film I wasn't so plussed by. Overall, if you were interested on any level, I wouldn't recommend against checking this one out. And even if you weren't intereseted, but can't find anything else on that trip to the rental shop, I would suggest you give it a try.

Or was it the rising of my lunch, oh my lord... Honestly, what the fuck? Let's start with the premise here. John Connor, now in his early 20's, is living like the Renegade, going from place to place, no address, no name, "keeping off the radar." What's interesting is that with all this traveling, he has yet to get his ass the hell out of California. Enter the T-X, or "the Terminatrix" who, while able to morph clothing, still arrives naked in the present day, while still having not signed off the nudity disclosure form before filming. Also, for being the ultimate killing machine, she is remarkably a step back in design from the "liquid metal" T-1000. She is equipped with weapons that can kill a Terminator, but when those weapons get damaged, they stay damaged. She is also overly reliant on those weapons, such as sawing things when she could just punch a hole in it and tear it open. Also, I'd like to call the writers of this dungheap to task for introducing a storyline about the T-X, unable to find John Connor, running around and killing those who would be his lieutenants and taking it absolutely nowhere. Also, it took way too long to get an explanation as to why she was killing these, seemingly, random people. When we manage to get Arnie, he shows off like he learned what the Arnie in T2 learned, even though we all know that one was melted in the foundry. Also, he is basically a bunch of bad jokes involving sunglasses and bad pop references. And John, even barring that he's a drug-addled young man, acts like he never saw the T2 Arnie die, and treats Arnie as if he's the same machine, which makes really no sense. Oh, and Claire Danes, what the hell were you thinking Claire? Did you read a script before you signed on at all? It also seems the only person besides Arnie they managed to get to come back was the psychologist that Sarah Connor poisoned with Drano in T2. While a somewhat interesting cameo, it is also a testiment of just how shitty this film really was. No one seemed properly prepared for any future Terminators, even ones of the capabilities that had been previously encountered, much less a T-X. And as was pointed out while we watched it, the movie was pretty much shit blowing up and people cursing. Worse yet, T2 had at least 5 story arcs that were completely explored and came together to make a wonderful film between shit blowing up. T3 has 2 and a half, at best, and those, as a whole, aren't half as cool or interesting as one of the T2 story arcs. While I didn't think this one would be good, I didn't believe it would suck this bad.

It should have been titled Wrong Turn 2: This Time, It's Watchable. I watched the original and this remake within a month of each other, and I can honestly say this film is at it's weakest when it's pulling from the original. The use of the original narrative opening is regrettable, as is giving Leatherface a skin condition which caused taunting as a child that caused him to be a homicidal killer. All the mystery (what IS in the BBQ at the gas station) and creepiness (the hitchhiker and inbred who washes the van's windows) are missing in this tame modern rendition. It is a good horror film, just not the one it claims to be. The newly extended Leatherface family has motivations, such as killing an entire family to steal a baby, however, it's never clear if they eat the people or what's going on there. They're certainly not the macabre artists of the original film. The new hitchhiker is only creepy through her final act, and the Hard Boiled shot immediately following. I'd like to say the fashions are out of date by about thirty years, whether or not the 70's are back. The clothing just looks too modern, whether it's retro-modern or not. The filming is not always the greatest, often looking like someone behind the camera was way too influenced by Se7en or The Cell.
I was also highly disappointed by the fact that Leatherface was not as much of a fashion plate, changing outfits and wigs, as he was in the first film, though the shot of him wearing one of the kids faces over his own was just a tad creepy. And while this film did not have the corpsified Grandpa of the original film, it did give an old man a chance to paw the ass of Jessica Biel, or her body double. Honestly, I don't think he cared one way or the other. I do have to think there were a number of disappointed 14 year old boys when Ms. Biel's white top got wet, which is a whole other issue in this film as to why Leatherface turns on a sprinkler system for apparently no reason (maybe he wanted a peek?) that there was no reveal of her breasts. This film honestly could have caused me more pain, especially considering the involvement of Bruckheimer wunderkind, Michael Bay, but really, it was almost as if they had a script that was bound to be compared to the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and chose to do some retooling and call it a remake, which is the exact opposite of what they should have done. Speaking of shouldn't have been done, what the hell was up with that tacked on Blair Witch-esque end bit? That, was shitty.

Imagine Entrapment, only good. No, I mean really, really good. Even Denis Leary in a major role did not bring down my enjoyment of the this film. As much about robbery as it is the budding, believable relationship between Pierce Brosnan and Rene Russo, this film even managed to end without letting down the audience. This film did itself a favor by using a decent script, talented actors, and a director who, I learned later, made his talent work without full scripts. This tale of two imperfect people who are perfect for each other drawn together by that which separates them is oddly enough, one of those films I thought Hollywood had given up on making. Those films are often referred to as good movies, so, uh, you should check it out.
Yes, I am aware this is a remake, but it surely stands up on it's own.

George Clooney is a retiring officer. Mark Wahlberg is a new father. Ice Cube is an airport worker. The not oft mentioned fourth king, Spike Jonze is an idiot. In this Gulf War film, the war has just ended, there is stolen Kuwaiti gold out in the desert, and our kings plan to take some home. Call it Kelly's Heroes 1999, Three Kings goes beyond both the fighting and the gold hunt, exploring the deeper issues of the war and those who were involved in it. This film also contains one of those odd rarities in film, good cinematography, that if poured over can be analyzed, but on one viewing fits the subject like a glove, while not belaboring its effect to the audience. There is little escaping from the 'guy movie' nature of this film (hell, it is a war film) and while pretty damn good, unless this is your thing to begin with, you probably won't be digging it that much.

In full professor mode, Guy Pearce takes on a simian appearance. Whether due to lighting or make-up, I don't know, but it's scary. Anyway, the film begins showing Pearce so wrapped up in his theories, you're forced to wonder where and when he had time to meet and/or date his young lady friend. In fact, in condensing his character establishment into the first 15-20 minutes of the film, you never get a clear picture of who he is. Once tragedy strikes, he hops into his time machine, explores and begins to look like a human again. In the end, he ends up in the far, far future, fighting hyper-evolved Morlocks who feast on humans like cattle. Of course, only because I read that the Morlocks are supposed to be a class war metaphor did
I even begin to pick that up. Then again, I think the rule is "If you read the book, the movie's gonna suck" for all cinematic translations. I don't think I can go any deeper plotwise without reciting the story, so let's move on. Pearce's acting is good, but the only one I can really comment on as everyone else's character is almost tertiary to his. The sets and the CGI were excellent and non-jarring, even to me, Mr. Anti-computer Animation. My only complaint is that when the movie should have been going full throttle, such as when Pearce meets the head Morlock or the final chase scene, it became incredibly slow. Oh yeah, and the monkey thing. So, in the end, it was worth the watch, not incredible cinema, but not a waste of my rental fee either. If anyone else has seen it, don't you think the ending would have been better/funny if as you watched Pearce's friend walk away from the lab, he had been run over by a horse-drawn carriage? Just a thought.

Like martial arts action flicks? Are you able to read? Then check out Time and Tide, an action intensive, subtitled flick made just for you. Okay, I'm gonna try and make sense of it all. A young man gets a lesbian cop pregnant. In an attempt to build his bankroll, he starts working for his (former loan shark) uncle's security business. It is in this occupation that he gets mixed up with a former special forces killer and his pregnant wife at the same time the killer's ex-employers come to make one last contract with him. That's just the set-up info, so yeah, it gets kind of complicated. Still the Asian ironic humor shines and the fight sequence camera work/photographic effects punch the already incredible action up two notches. The more grotesque/cringe factor violence is amplified by not showing it but rather implying it and letting your imagination take hold. The only problem I had with this one was the main villian, an Asian playing Hispanic with dred locks. I'm not sure if it was his voice, his dialogue or just his look that annoyed me most, but something had me praying for his extermination. Other than that, this was the best straight up martial arts flick I've ever seen (Hidden Dragon, which also rocked, is kind of a sub category.)

This production of Shakespeare's most violent play Titus Andronicus will probably throw you at first taking elements of 1920's including a flamboyent Art Deco feel, Ancient Rome, and a touch of post-apocalypse to develop costume and set design, but after a while, you'll get used to it. The trouble all starts after Titus (Anthony Hopkins,) who has just defeated the Goths in battle, takes the Goths' queen (Jessica Lange) and her family prisoner, and kills her eldest son. It is with this act, Lange vows revenge, and with the aid of her malicious counselor/lover, does quite a number destroying Titus' life. Of course, Titus more than helps out by making a series of bad decisions for noble, or stupid reasons. All of this adds up to a bad bit of nastiness that was worth the time in the end. Hopkins and Lange are excellent. Alan Cummings, who plays the new emporer, seems like a Grade A fop, but the more I think about it, he probably was supposed to be a fop, but I'm not sure. All in all, he was slightly annoying. The only actor, though, who bothered me immensely was the androgynous child who ate up way too much screen time in relation to his whopping three lines of dialogue. This kid, who I would have sworn was the "I shall cheer for you" kid from Gladiator until I checked, is in almost every scene and you don't even find out who he is until about halfway through the film, which is quite a while considering its run time of two and three quarter hours.
All in all, Titus is definitely worth a look if you're interested in this sort of thing. Also, the gross factor is way down as most of the more gory acts are done off screen.

Upon further reflection, I can say that only due to lowered and relowered expectations I had for this film was I able to leave the theater saying that it wasn't that bad. Of course, much worse video game movies such as Double Dragon and horrid Sci-fi flicks like Battlefield Earth also help raise this one above what's become the industry standard. However, none of this makes it a good film. Lara Croft (portrayed by Angelina Jolie) is Indiana Jones with guns and tits currently searching for two halves of a triangle that control time and space. Not only does she have to beat the clock of planetary alignment (when's that happening again?) which will make the triangle potent but the evil Illuminati is after it as well. Okay, now if you can make it past the incredibly repetitive exposition that will not only sit on your head but will proceed to take a shit there, you'll probably notice that the rest of the dialogue is kind of like a BBC drama without the wit or sarcasm. Then there are the blatant signs that the filmmakers just didn't care, such as the quite visible padding of Jolie's bras in many scenes, or the time British Lady Croft's very British techno-geek sidekick offers some Asians U.S. dollars for some dogs (let's not even bring up that the pound is a stronger, more valuable currency than the dollar.) Oh yes, you will feel pain. In terms of action, while most scenes geared me up and were exciting, by the end of any one of them, I was profoundly non-plussed. The reasons for this range from the absurd such as fighting stone monkeys to motivational conflicts such as Lara who uses guns seems adverse to peeling M-16s from corpses so she can defend herself from similarly armed individuals. And it's all wrapped up in some bullshit pseudo-emotional plot about Lara's dad (who everyone on the fucking planet seems to know about) which also runs out of steam rather early on. Surprisingly, a film this bad had the intelligence to come full circle for us, giving some closure and allowing us to get on with our lives.
I'd like to thank Tim for taking me to see this one. However, I have realized the main cause for this shit film, that being director, Simon West (Con Air, The General's Daughter,) though he could write a film as well as a real screen writer. If you look for his quotes in the July 2001 Premiere, it all starts to make a hell of a lot more sense why this film was sooooooooo bad.

Less padded, but still not nearly as naked as any adolescent or I would like, Angelina Jolie returns to the role that made her mediocre. As you may have seen in many reviews prior to this, yes, this film was a vast improvement upon the first Tomb Raider. Of course, the first film sucked balls, so that praise can be equated to thanking the monkeys for throwing rotten fruit at you as opposed to feces. Not five minutes into the film, I really began to wonder if there could be any less action in this action movie, and with the possible exception of a bullet festival in a very glass office/laboratory, I don't think I ever stopped. Coupled up with Gerard Butler this time, Jolie is given better chances to banter, a hell of a lot more comprehensible plot, and unfortunately, the most obvious conclusion since Titanic. Yes, there are still plot holes you can drive a truck through, and despite exotic locales and the fact that they're both supposed to hail from the U.K. everyone is still paying people with U.S. dollars. Oh, and while we're free of stone monkeys this time, there are tree spirits which look like mini-Rancor creatures. Still, for all its flaws, my biggest disappointment came when they killed the No. 3 baddie who really should just have been Kevin McDonald. Needless to say, I was shushed quite a bit during this film...and it still hurts me.

Not a big Ethan Hawke fan, I did manage to make it through this film without wanting to kick the living shit out of him, and Denzel, well Denzel was Denzel, doing a darker reprisal of his role in Ricochet. If you know of this film, you more than likely know the plot of the idealistic rookie cop going out to train with the dirty? commanding officer. Overall, the film flows fairly well and is pretty good. My only points of complaint would be the appearances of Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre in shit little cameo roles that are distracting and detracting from the film as these roles become more about who's portraying them than about the characters and where they fit in the story. Beyond that, I'd suggest checking this one out if you're interested. If you rent the DVD, beware that no one bothered editing the extra scenes so they're all way too long, and don't even waste your time on the "alternate" ending.
Reading other reviews, I just realized The Corruptor is a earlier, better version of this.

Seeing a Brit doing martial arts moves in the trailer made this one too much of an oddity for me not to see at some point. I must learn to control those types of urges. Anyway, the inital "getaway" scene confirmed we had an Asian director, as it was so filled with rapid cuts,
I think I hurt my neck. Thankfully, this ceased after that particular scene. Overall, the film was a few good decisions away form being an action/martial arts film in the spirit of the Evil Dead movies. Seriously, from the horrible process shots to the French police in their menacing Honda Civics to the shoulder mounted missle with the WWII shark face painted on it to the bad guy who looked like Pacey from Dawson's Creek, it had me laughing. But I knew, had they just pushed the ridiculousness up a notch, I would have been rolling with laughter. I mean, just hire Pacey if you're getting a look-alike anyway. It'd be funnier. The martial arts fights, unfortunately, were short and too far between to keep me sated merely with action. And even they were kind of ridiculous, such as in the bus station where 30 to 50 hencemen magically appear just to get their asses handed to them, or the fights where the Transporter has trouble kicking Pacey's ass one-on-one. Oh, and don't miss the part where he has five hours to take a package from France to Monaco. Even with all his side-tracking on that trip, how in the hell does he get there late? This flick is crap, but not crap enough to make it truly great.

I know, what bet did I lose? Well, I actually DVRed this one of my now-deceased cable, and with the notable exception of two uses of the Counting Crows rendition of "They Paved Paradise And Put Up A Parking Lot" and one very forced joke about pediatrics, it was good. I mean, I'm not running out to go buy it at the store, but I think that probably has more to do with the fact that straight guys just don't have certain films on their shelves, unless they belong to the woman they're with. There might be some wiggle room for "When Harry Met Sally" but still you're really gonna have to sell that one to anyone who comes over.
Anyhoo, Two Weeks Notice actually took me by surprise, rather than starting where the title and every review of the film implies, you see the relationship between Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock start, develop, drive her nuts until she quits, develop some more, and then implode on every level imaginable. Of course, it's a romantic comedy, so take a big guess on the ending, but still, it does manage to be rather funny and touching, without being so sugary sweet that you get fucking cavities. And any praise for a modern romantic comedy from me is high praise indeed. I don't think there's a whole lot else you need to know. It's good. It didn't hurt me like many bad chick flicks do. I trusted Bullock and she came through once again, and hell, I am one of the only men in the country who doesn't lust after her. I was lusting after Alicia Witt in a set of retro undies though. Thank you, movie.

I'll try and break free of this in a bit, but I have to start this review discussing one aspect: wardrobe. Now black leather and vinyl is all very Matrix and everyone thinks the Matrix is cool, and shit, I'll even cut the filmmakers some slack since he added a bit of fetish/goth style to it, like having corsets over the black vinyl and all the buckles. Hell, I'll even agree I'm all for a movie where Kate Beckinsale runs around the whole time in this sort of gear. But when she's in obvious, at-home lounge wear in the castle, at least in respect to her camisole top, I think she'd take the time to remove the vinyl pants. Really, that was a big, "what the fuck?" moment for me. Unfortunately, this also says a lot about the film. I was watching things like the wardrobe.
So, in Underworld, there are vampires hunting the werewolves in some centuries old feud that isn't really explained too well, when you're thrust into a fifteen minute bullet festival that also isn't explained too well. It seems the two clans are interested in the same human, who besides his buddy in the hospital, is the only American in the whole damn film, while they are obviously in Europe. Again, there is no explanation for this. As you begin to learn about what the werewolves interest is in this human, and how the feud actually began, it's really too damn far into the film to be of interest. However, my biggest problem with this film is not all this, but that at the end, when the film just starts having some sense of closure, at least to me it did, they slap on more narration that truly makes the entire film feel like it's just the first in a line of films, a prologue to the actual storyline to come. Why did I just put in 2 hours to see the prologue? And what's up with Marcus, the vampire leader who is resurrected at the very end? If he is awakened with werewolf blood, and receives the werewolf's memories, wouldn't he be more sympathetic to the werewolf clan? Why would the war continue if all those who started it in the first place are dead, and the vamp/werewolf hybrid lives? And again, why am I worried about it in the first place? To be completely honest, I can't recommend this film for a whole lot of reasons, but I don't think it was horribly bad. It just wasn't good enough for a film snob like me. I even came to the realization as to why I think Kate Beckinsale is a horrible actress, she can't emote. In this film, she doesn't have to, and the lines are much like an old stage play, and she pulls it off quite well. She's not a film actress, but more Shakespearian, and she needs to stick with that. I'd respect her more. Of course, it wouldn't hurt if she kept on the corsets and black vinyl while doing the Shakespeare though.

Released during a summer of giant animal horror flicks, I thought I heard this one was about an alligator in the sewer. Not true. This, surprisingly, straight slasher flick where the murders are based on (well, guess) was actually tolerable and somewhat spooky as the killings played out, even though I was familiar with most of the legends. Those more versed in slasher-dom will be able to pick out who the killer is fairly early on, and even get a handle on what the motivation is, but hey, there's more co-eds that needs killing. If nothing else, this is a "for fun" one that will not have you checking the clock asking how much longer it's gonna be. So, get a big bowl of popcorn, a friend or two, and enjoy.

Angel's David Boreanez's made his big screen debut and ended his film career with this study of how not to make a horror film in today's world. It's got the plot and mechanics of a 50's whodunit, and the murder scenes of an 80's slasher flick. Beyond possibly having the worst motivation I've ever seen for a killer, not for one moment of the film was I confused upon who the killer was, half-assed red herrings aside. This movie also didn't help itself by killing its only sympathetic character right out of the gate, while at the same time losing its best and and cutest actress, Katherine Heigl. I'm sure the film would be considered visionary if it were the first horror film ever. With that not being the case, I can't even describe how bad this film is. All I can say is, if you do, for some unknown reason, rent this one and get to the horrible art show, it's not going to get any better even if it seems it can't get any worse. Oh, and finally, I would like to clarify all of this by saying that I do enjoy slasher/horror flicks, even the cheesy ones, and this film is just not making it for me.

This Sophia Coppola film achieves a cinematic rarity, making two hours take a very short time indeed, leaving you wanting more. It is a finely crafted story of boys obssessed with girls they will never possess, that no one will ever possess. Despite the depressing conclusion you know must come, this film is actually quite light-hearted. Awkward situations and pauses give this film a base in reality in stark contrast to its dream-like atmosphere. There was not a flawed performance from anyone involved with this project, and surprisingly, there were no over-the-top villians, no one to hate. It was a very true story (as opposed to contrived) where there is no right or wrong, and like life, things can just spin out of control and there is no way to make them better. Go see it now!

Brian O'Halloran (Dante from Clerks) is a clown named Flappy, who's life is in the shitter. Gigs are few and far between, and when he's not dealing with his white trash neighbors, he has to deal with his abusive mother. It seems he should just give in to the advice of his friend (writer/director Bryan Johnson) and get a steady job. Poor in spirit and destitute, inspiration comes in a plan to transform himself into Vulgar, a clown who would work bachelor parties "before the real entertainment arrives." Too bad for him, his first clients are the New Jersey answer to Deliverance. It's more implied than the similar scene in Pulp Fiction and ten times more creepy. Though battered and emotionally scarred, Flappy is unable to cancel on a previously contracted children's party. On his way, he stops a domestic dispute and saves a little girl's life. He is then spotted by a television producer (Kevin Smith) who believes Flappy is the new Teletubbies. Of course, just when Flappy's success seems unstoppable, his night of hell resurfaces, and Flappy must decide what to do about it.
Johnson puts together quite a professional product with his first film here, no doubt aided by Smith to some degree. His view of white trash suburbs is disturbingly honest, and though his dialogue is not as joke-laden as Smith's style, it is just a quirky and real. It's also a fairly balanced film with some genuinely funny moments along with its dark ones. I think my only complaint is that the ending seemed unresolved, like it was missing it's third act. Beyond the quality of the film, rental of the DVD was worth it for the "In Defense Of Dogma" documentary and feature where you can read all the film festival rejection letters Vulgar received alone.

Much like Life Is Beautiful, I was avoiding this film like the plague, that whole Oscar thing, you know. However, thanks to the urging of my adoptive sis, I actually made the effort to see it, and let me say right now, I am sick of the Irish getting all the good movies. This film is about death and life and grasping the gold ring. The Scots make a movie about heroin addicts. Not that I didn't like that one, but you can see the difference, right?
Anyway, back to this film, it seems Ned Devine won the lotto. Unfortunately, he died when he found out. Led by the charismatic Jackie O'Shea, the small town where Ned lives can collect the winnings if they pretend he is still alive. Crazy and wacky while still retaining a serious tone, this film was excellent. I am curious what the deal is, because across the Atlantic, either naked old men are the funniest thing in the world, or they're a bunch of perverts. Yes, be prepared for plenty of full grandpa monty action, and a good time. If you get the chance, give this one a look. Hell, it even proves, in a world where two and a half hour epics are quickly becoming the norm, that a quality film can run 90 minutes and be just as powerful, if not more so.

No, it's not Giles from Buffy in his own big budget blockbuster.
It's that bad Keanu film from last year, remember? Okay, I don't know if they worked to make Marisa Tomei and Keanu look as old as James Spader in this one, or if everybody is just getting that old, but it's spooky either way. Anyway,..insert cookie cutter plot here. Burnt out cop must return to the job to stop serial killer who's developed a fixation on him. Spader and Tomei, as his psychoanalyst, both do an excellent job in their roles which I wasn't expecting really. Keanu manages to pull off everything but the backstory of his character, a super intelligent criminal who knows forensics and never leaves evidence. You'd think he'd have shorter hair then right? But no matter, that is but one of the many hurdles you must leap in this film. From Keanu's dance of the retarded which you get to see twice to the incredibly photogenic nature of the lonely girls he stalks to Spader's dumb rookie "please take me hostage" maneuver, this will crush your rational mind if you let it. Oddly enough, the one thing this film does really well is it's race against the clock scenes which are actually exciting, and are a majority of the film. These parts of the film are very worth it despite their own solitary moments of ungodly stupidity. Unfortunately, the film really drops the ball in what views as a rewrite because of the studio or focus groups, where they lead you right up to admitting Keanu is basically an unrequited lover of Spader, and then immediately cops out to the hack "two sides of the same coin" duality motivation. I'm guessing this was some sort of backlash due to The Talented Mr. Ripley's poor performance at the box office, no matter how little the gay aspect had to do with that film sucking ass.
In the end, you may find this one entertainingly bad or actually enjoy it, or maybe find it to be both. I did and except for its fear of "all things not hetero," I felt it was a worthwhile diversion.

Not surprisingly, a bit of a bullet festival, this directoral debut of Christopher McQuarrie, writer of The Usual Suspects, will not leave you wanting for action. Starring Bencio del Toro (Suspects) and Ryan Phillippe (54,) the script would have to be downright horrible to tank this film. Luckily, McQuarrie, who also penned this one, gives the audience a suitably complex film, interconnecting the characters and their motivations, and though not giving any Keyser Soze-type revelations, the time spent on characterization is played up to its fullest potential. Action fans need not worry as there are still plenty of car chases and gun battles to thrill you, and while not Fight Club bloody, it will cause you to cringe, at least a few times. Solid performances in lesser roles, by Juliette Lewis and James Caan round out a film I totally enjoyed. I will admit, if scrutinized, this film was not perfect, but the truth is it's still better than most of the films making their way to theaters this year.

Ah, a simpler comedy from a simpler era. John Candy's first starring role as a bumbling detective on the trail of a kidnapped heiress is nothing but comedy dynamite, and I don't just mean because they cast Annie Potts as a femme fatale. Candy uses almost every trick he has, including cross-dressing, to give the audience one of his best performances. Supplemented by the talent of Jeffery Jones, back in his heyday, you really can't lose. Speaking of heydays, Shawnee Smith plays Nikki nearing the end of her career playing energetic, attractive young characters. After seeing this again, I realized she actually did possess some acting talent, though she also possessed some horrid 80's hair.
Anyway, the fact that this film still has me laughing, and laughing hard 11 years after it's release is a testament to the staying power of its humor. Honestly, this is the way John Candy should be remembered, unlike the parts he played in the making of films like Wagons East! and Nothing But Trouble.

While using the Wonderland murders as a backdrop, this film is really a snapshot of John Holmes' life after his pornography stardom. Val Kilmer plays Holmes at his lowest, a drug addict who serves merely as an curiousity to the dealers and drug houses he frequents. You also are given a look at his relationships with his girlfriend (Kate Bosworth) and wife (Lisa Kudrow.) The film plays from the different perspectives of all the characters, giving you a slightly different story every time. So, yeah, it's an interesting film, but also one that's really hard to delve into, review-wise. The acting, and I mean all the acting was excellent, and left me wanting to see more Kudrow work that wasn't comedy or worse, Analyze This. I did like it, even though the film never really took a stand on what actually happened the night of the killings, which could really bug the shit out of some people. So, I'm warning you on that. Otherwise, I highly recommend it and feel it was very much worth renting.

It's not a title, it's a warning.
Opening with the very liberated scene of a couple rock climbing/cliff scaling wherein the moment the woman starts having trouble, she begins whining and moaning, this goes on for a while, annoying the living piss out of me, it then becomes the least scary murder/abduction scene since Jason X, and jumps to the opening credits which indicate that the inbred West Virginia Mountain Men are kind of like the X-Men...only they eat people. Enter our male lead, who I soon began calling "Jude Law without the talent or charisma," who must make an urgent appointment but due to troubles, must travel via a dirt road where the inbreds live. He crashes into the truck of Eliza Dushku and her camping friends. Now, with all of them on foot, the killing begins in earnest. In fact,